Easing the Back-to-School Transition:
Science-Backed Strategies for a Secure Start
The transition from the long, carefree days of summer to the structure of a new school year can stir up a whirlwind of emotions, for both kids and parents. Excitement and nervousness often exist side by side. Your child may be looking forward to seeing friends or meeting their new teacher, while also quietly grieving the loss of lazy mornings, spontaneous adventures, and family time.
As adults, we often focus on logistics like shopping for supplies, adjusting bedtimes, and planning carpools, but it’s just as important to prepare our children emotionally for what’s ahead.
Fortunately, decades of research in attachment theory, child development, and emotional regulation give us a roadmap for how to ease this transition. Experts like Dr. Gordon Neufeld, Dr. Becky Kennedy, and Jennifer Kilgo remind us that children are most ready to learn when they feel safe, seen, and connected.
Below are five evidence-based strategies, along with simple, doable activities, to help your child feel emotionally anchored as they return to school.
1. Fill Their Attachment Cup First
Dr. Gordon Neufeld, renowned developmental psychologist, emphasizes that connection is the prerequisite for growth and learning. Children who feel securely attached are better able to handle stress, focus in the classroom, and navigate peer relationships. Transitions—like the start of a new school year—can feel like mini-separations that trigger anxiety or insecurity, especially for younger children or those who are sensitive.
What to do:
Create rituals of connection: These don’t need to be elaborate. Five minutes of cuddling after breakfast, a bedtime chat about your favorite parts of the day, or a special handshake before school can go a long way.
Offer presence before performance: Let your child feel that your love and attention aren't tied to behavior or grades. The goal is to strengthen your relationship, not just manage their schedule.
Bridge the separation: Let them know you’ll be thinking of them during the day. A lunchbox note, a small object you both carry, or even a morning hug that “lasts all day” can ease anxiety and reinforce the bond.
2. Normalize and Validate Big Feelings
According to Dr. Becky Kennedy, founder of Good Inside, one of the most powerful things parents can do is “hold space” for their children’s emotions without trying to fix or dismiss them. When a child expresses fear or sadness about school, it’s tempting to reassure or distract—but that can send the message that those feelings are wrong or unwanted.
Instead, validation fosters emotional resilience. When a child feels understood, they’re more likely to regulate themselves and move through the emotion, rather than getting stuck in it.
Try saying:
“You’re really going to miss summer. That makes sense, it’s been fun and free.”
“You’re nervous about starting a new class. It’s hard not knowing what to expect. I’ll be here to talk about it whenever you need.”
Pro tip: Don’t force positivity. Acknowledging negative feelings doesn't make them grow—it actually helps them shrink.
3. Preview and Practice to Reduce Uncertainty
One of the biggest sources of anxiety for kids is the unknown. Where will I sit? Will I know anyone? What if I don’t remember my locker combination? As educator Jennifer Kilgo points out, preparing children for what's ahead with visual, sensory, and experiential tools can dramatically increase their sense of competence and calm.
Practical activities:
Visit the school ahead of time: Walk the halls, find the classroom, try out the playground, and locate the bathrooms.
Do a “mock morning”: Practice the full school morning routine a few days before—getting up, getting dressed, eating breakfast, and heading out the door.
Create a visual schedule or countdown: Kids often benefit from seeing how many days are left before school starts. Add a sticker each day, and plan small rituals along the way (ice cream date, choosing an outfit, organizing school supplies).
Introduce the new teacher with warmth: If possible, write a letter or draw a picture together to give to the teacher. You could even bake a simple treat as a friendly gesture. These small acts help transfer the child’s sense of trust from the parent to the teacher—a critical part of school success, especially in early childhood.
4. Honor Summer Before You Let It Go
The end of summer is a transition in itself, one that may feel like a loss to your child. When we rush into fall without acknowledging what we’re leaving behind, kids can carry unresolved grief or resistance into the classroom.
Instead of skipping ahead to school mode, take time to reflect and celebrate the season.
Ideas to try:
Create a Summer Scrapbook or Memory Jar: Fill it with photos, ticket stubs, drawings, or little notes of favorite moments.
Make a “Still-To-Do” List: Ask your child what fun or meaningful things they still want to do before summer ends like bike rides, s’mores, a water balloon fight, or one more movie night.
Build emotional closure: Name what’s ending, and invite your child to talk about what they’ll miss most. These conversations help kids feel emotionally prepared to let go and move forward.
5. Help Them Build a Bridge to the New Teacher
Dr. Neufeld explains that children learn best not from those they know academically, but from those they feel emotionally connected to. In the early weeks of school, one of the best things a parent can do is help facilitate the connection between their child and the new teacher.
Try this:
Speak positively about the new teacher: “Mrs. Thomas seems like someone who really cares about her students.”
Let your child know you’re rooting for a strong connection: “I hope you and your teacher get to know each other well. Sometimes it takes a little time to feel really comfortable with someone new, and that’s okay. I’ll be thinking of you today and can’t wait to hear about how it goes.”
Encourage a small act of introduction: A picture, letter, or treat gives your child a sense of agency and builds familiarity.
At pickup time, don’t just ask “How was school?” Instead, try: “What made you feel most proud today?” or “What was one thing your teacher did that made you feel good?”
Let This Transition Be a Time of Growth—Not Just Change
The back-to-school season isn’t just a logistical shift, it’s a chance to deepen your connection with your child, nurture their emotional resilience, and create lasting rituals that ground them during change. Kids don’t need a perfect start to the school year. They need a secure base from which to launch—a parent who sees them, hears them, and walks beside them.
So let’s shift the focus from productivity to presence. From managing behavior to meeting needs. From rushing through the calendar to ritualizing the return.
You’re not just preparing your child for school. You’re preparing their heart to feel safe, their mind to feel curious, and their spirit to feel grounded.
Want More Support?
You’re invited to join my workshop Back to School with Confidence: Strengthening Connection During Times of Transition
Thursday, July 31st | 12:00–1:00 PM (PST)
This live, interactive session will provide additional tools to ease the transition for your child and build your own confidence going into the new school year. We'll dive deeper into the research and give you practical strategies to support your child’s emotional well-being.
You can also sign up for the 5-Day Back-to-School Challenge August 4th–8th
You’ll receive daily emails filled with practical ideas, connection-based activities, and gentle encouragement to help your child (and you!) feel more grounded and connected as summer winds down.
Let’s make this school year start with calm, connection, and confidence—for both you and your child.