Calming Rituals and Nourishing Relationships: Creating a More Meaningful Holiday Season
As parents, we often dream of the holidays as a time of connection, joy, and peace. Yet the reality can feel really different with overbooked schedules, overstimulated children, and adults who emerge from the season feeling more drained than renewed. If we feel that way, imagine how our children experience it.
My hope is that as you read this, you’ll pause to reflect on what’s working for your family, and walk away with practical ideas you can use right away to make this holiday season more relaxed, joyful, and deeply connected.
Setting Holiday Intentions
The holidays don’t just happen to us, we have a choice in how we pace them. By setting intentions, we reclaim our role as the steady leaders of our families.
Routines: Children thrive on rhythm and predictability. Research from the American Academy of Pediatrics shows that consistent routines lower stress and help children feel secure, even during busy seasons. Reading a bedtime story, lighting a candle at dinner, or setting the table together can become small anchors of calm in a hectic month.
Scheduling: Fill your calendar intentionally. Prioritize downtime, unstructured play, time in nature, and moments of family connection. Say “no” to obligations that drain you, and hold space for the activities that nourish you.
Simplifying the Environment: Limit decorations to those that bring true beauty or meaning to your home. De-clutter toys to make space for what’s new, or better yet, rotate toys so children aren’t overwhelmed. Simplicity at home helps children feel grounded.
Preparing for Holiday Challenges
New experiences, extended family gatherings, and high expectations can be hard for kids to navigate. Planning ahead helps:
Anticipate tricky moments like meeting new relatives, table manners, or handling disappointment.
Have a “game plan” for travel, meals, or times when children need a break.
Remember: Connection Before Direction. Children are most open to guidance when their “attachment cup” is full, when they regularly receive love, understanding, and care. A full cup helps them feel safe and secure, which naturally leads to more cooperation, fewer meltdowns, and an easier time following directions. That’s why connection must come before direction. Even tiny moments of attunement throughout the day like a hug, a smile, a quick check-in, help fill that cup. The more connected children feel, the more receptive they are to our guidance, especially during new situations and challenging moments.
Take Care of Yourself First. Amid the bustle of the holidays, parents often put their own needs last. But research in developmental psychology shows that children co-regulate with their parents, meaning when we stay calm and steady, their nervous systems settle too. By prioritizing your own mental fitness, whether that’s through rest, mindfulness, or supportive rituals, you not only feel better yourself but also create a more peaceful atmosphere for your family.
Honoring Values and Traditions
The holidays can pull us in many directions, but staying true to our family values models strength and authenticity for our children.
Traditions That Connect: Studies show that family rituals strengthen belonging, identity, and emotional well-being. Psychologist Barbara Fiese, who has studied family rituals extensively, notes that traditions provide children with a sense of continuity and security that lasts into adulthood.
In my own family, one of our favorite rituals happens while decorating our tree. We pop popcorn and make hot cocoa, served in my kids’ special holiday mugs. Even though they’re now young adults, they still look forward to this tradition. We put on holiday music, sip cocoa and snack on popcorn as we hang the ornaments. It’s simple, but it’s become a tradition that instantly signals: the holidays are here.
Giving Back Together: Encourage kids to join in acts of kindness, whether baking for neighbors, filling a donation box, or doing something special for a loved one. These rituals cultivate compassion and gratitude, helping children see the holidays as a time of generosity, not just receiving.
Family Conversations: Invite your children to share their hopes for the season, favorite traditions, and ideas for celebrating. Their voice in the planning deepens connection.
Gifts: Presence Over Presents
Research shows gratitude enhances well-being, resilience, and social connection. Psychologist Robert Emmons, a leading researcher on gratitude, has found that practicing thankfulness improves happiness and strengthens relationships.
Andrea Hussong’s NOTICE–THINK–FEEL–DO model can guide families in weaving gratitude into holiday giving and receiving:
NOTICE what we already have.
THINK about why we received a gift.
FEEL the joy it brings.
DO something in response, whether showing appreciation or paying it forward.
When we model gratitude ourselves like thanking the cashier, the teacher, or a neighbor, our children see what authentic appreciation looks like.
The Gift of Simplicity and Connection
The holidays can be an opportunity to live out the values we want our children to carry into adulthood: gratitude, presence, and love. By setting intentions, simplifying our environment, honoring meaningful traditions, and focusing on relationships over “stuff,” we can create a season that leaves our children with what matters most: memories of safety, belonging, and joy.
Children remember feelings, rituals, and relationships over gifts. Let’s give them the gift of a holiday season that nourishes their hearts and strengthens our family bonds.
Want to dive deeper?
Join me for my upcoming workshop:
Presence over Presents: cultivating gratitude and connection throughout the holiday season
Friday, December 5th @12:00 p.m. via Zoom
Together, we’ll explore practical tools and strategies to set boundaries with warmth, connection, and confidence. You’ll leave feeling more grounded, supported, and ready to lead your family with clarity. Register below: