Starting the New Year With Kids: Growth Without Pressure
The start of a new year often arrives with a familiar message: set goals, make resolutions, improve yourself. For adults, this can feel motivating (or exhausting). For children, the idea of New Year’s resolutions can be confusing, overly rigid, or even discouraging if we’re not thoughtful about how we introduce it.
The new year doesn’t have to be about fixing ourselves. Instead, it can be an opportunity to talk with our children about growth, curiosity, and learning without pressure or perfection.
What Is a New Year’s Resolution, Really?
At its core, a New Year’s resolution is simply a reflection:
Is there something I’d like to practice, explore, or do a little differently this year?
That framing matters. When resolutions are presented as rules or measures of success (“I have to do this” or “I failed if I don’t”), kids can internalize shame or fear of getting it wrong. When they’re framed as experiments or intentions, they become opportunities for self-awareness and agency.
It’s also okay to name the limitations. Resolutions don’t work well when they’re too big, too vague, or driven by comparison. Letting kids know that many adults struggle to keep resolutions, and that this is normal, can be surprisingly reassuring.
Talking With Younger Children: Keep It Concrete and Playful
For preschoolers and early elementary-aged kids, abstract goals don’t make much sense. They live in the present, and that’s a strength.
Instead of “resolutions,” try language like:
“Is there something new you want to practice this year?”
“What do you want to learn more about?”
“What helps you feel proud of yourself?”
You might focus on simple, tangible ideas:
Practicing tying shoes
Trying new foods
Being a helper at home
Learning a new game or skill
Keep the conversation light and flexible. Draw pictures, make a short list, or simply talk about it during a walk or bedtime. The goal isn’t follow-through, it’s helping them notice their own interests and capabilities.
Talking With Older Kids and Teens: Invite Reflection, Not Pressure
With tweens and teens, the new year can bring up comparison, self-criticism, and social pressure. This is a powerful time to model a different approach.
Instead of asking, “What’s your resolution?” try:
“Is there anything from last year you’d like more of, or less of?”
“What felt hard this year? What felt good?”
“Is there something you’re curious about changing or working on?”
Teens benefit from autonomy. They may not want to share their goals, and that’s okay. What matters is that they feel respected and not evaluated. If they do share, help them think in terms of values and process rather than outcomes:
“What would support that?”
“What might get in the way?”
“How will you know if it’s helping?”
And remember: opting out is also a choice. Some kids (and adults) don’t resonate with resolutions at all. That doesn’t mean they’re unmotivated, it may mean they grow in different ways.
Modeling Growth Without Self-Criticism
One of the most powerful things we can do is show our children what healthy growth looks like in real life.
This doesn’t mean announcing dramatic changes or highlighting everything we want to “fix.” Instead, we can model curiosity, self-compassion, and persistence:
“I’m trying to be more patient when I’m stressed.”
“I want to learn something new this year, even if I’m not very good at it yet.”
“I noticed this habit isn’t working for me anymore, so I’m experimenting with a change.”
When kids see us reflect, adjust, and try again, without harsh self-judgment, they learn that growth is a lifelong process, not a pass/fail test.
Start Small, Stay Flexible
The most meaningful new year conversations aren’t about January 1st. They’re ongoing. They happen in car rides, during quiet moments, and after mistakes.
Rather than setting rigid resolutions, consider returning to a few guiding questions throughout the year:
What’s helping us feel more connected?
What’s draining us?
What are we learning about ourselves?
Starting the year this way sends a powerful message to our children: You are not a problem to be fixed. You are a person who is growing.
And that’s a lesson worth carrying into every season.