Why Parenting Feels So Hard Today—And What We Can Do About It
If you’ve ever wondered, “Why does parenting feel so much harder than it did for past generations?” you’re not alone. Parents today are navigating challenges that simply didn’t exist 20 or even 10 years ago—screens in every pocket, a culture of busyness that leaves little room for rest, and the loss of the “village” support that once surrounded families.
The truth is: parenting hasn’t gotten harder because parents are doing it wrong. It’s harder because the world has changed. The good news? With the right tools, awareness, and support, we can rise to these challenges and create the connection and balance our children need most.
The Roots of the Friction
1. Screens Everywhere—and the Quality, Not Just the Quantity
Screens aren't inherently bad, but they’re always on. Dr. Dimitri Christakis reminds us that what children watch, and whether we watch along, matters far more than just counting minutes. Dr. Michael Rich’s idea of digital nutrition offers a kind, food-based metaphor: some media nourish, some harm, some are neutral. It’s up to us to choose wisely and model mindful “eating” of content. And as parents, our own habits matter: Dr. Jenny Radesky highlights how “technoference”, distraction from devices during family time, affects our kids as much as theirs.
Imagine this: You’re tucking your child into bed and your phone buzzes. Do you check it? Many of us do and in that moment, our child feels our attention slip. It’s not about perfection, but about protecting those sacred, ordinary moments of connection.
2. More Structure, Less Spontaneity
We’ve traded hours of unstructured play for organized lessons, early team sports, and tutoring. These can be wonderful, but when everything is scheduled, children lose the magic of free play, the space to explore, imagine, risk-fail-try again, and reset their own internal rhythms. Psychologist Peter Gray has shown how the decline of free play parallels rising childhood anxiety and depression.
Remember summer afternoons when we roamed the neighborhood with friends, building forts and inventing games until the streetlights came on? Those unsupervised, imaginative hours built resilience in ways structured lessons cannot.
3. Academic Pressure Starts Too Soon
Our culture often pushes academic skills such as reading and math onto kids earlier than their emotional foundations allow. As Dr. Gordon Neufeld teaches, attachment and emotional connection must come first. Pushing academics before a child feels safe and secure can leave them overwhelmed and disconnected. Ellen Galinsky adds that the true “core skills” for success are focus, perspective taking, problem solving and are best built through play and connection, not worksheets.
4. Parenting in Isolation
Many families don’t live near extended support. Grandparents, village-people, neighbors who once were daily allies are now often miles away. That lost connection shows up as fatigue, doubt, and pressure to do it “all” on our own. This fuels what many call intensive parenting—the sense that one parent must do everything, perfectly, all the time.
5. Nature Deficit
Nature used to be a built-in classroom and haven for both children and parents. Today, fewer kids play outside independently, which means less creativity, less movement, less awe and more stress inside our four walls. Author Richard Louv calls this Nature Deficit Disorder, reminding us that our well-being is deeply tied to green spaces, exploration, and time unplugged.
6. Connection as the Foundation
Drawing from Dr. Gabor Maté’s teaching, behavior, even the challenging kind, is communication. And Dr. Neufeld emphasizes the power of secure attachment: when children feel deeply seen and known, they’re far more resilient, responsive, and relaxed. Together, they remind us that our most important task is not to “fix” our children, but to connect with them.
So What Can We Do About It?
Here are some gentle, research-informed ways to reweave connection, curiosity, and calm into your family rhythm:
Adopt Digital Nutrition
Build a family media plan: set screen-free meals, co-view or co-play, and choose content that engages hearts, not just eyes.
Model mindfulness: protect your own focus as kids learn more from watching our rhythms than hearing our rules.
Reclaim Free Play
Even an extra 30 minutes of unstructured time each day can restore creativity, resilience, and joy.
Let kids lead the play, even if it’s messy, loud, or slow.
Delay Push for Academics
Root early years in curiosity, emotional understanding, and exploration (not worksheets!).
Allow your child’s natural pace of learning to unfold from a place of security.
Cultivate Your Support Circle
Seek community: a neighbor playgroup, a virtual parent chat, weekly park meet-ups. Connection matters more than perfection.
Share stories, ask for help, let others hold space for you too.
Invite Nature Back In
Make a mini habit: after-dinner walks, weekend hikes, or backyard barefoot time.
Let the pace of nature slow you both down and recharge your emotional batteries.
Focus on Connection Over Correction
Before guiding or redirecting, offer presence: a hug, a pause, an empathetic word.
Let attachment be the anchor, not compliance.
Try This Today
Put your phone in another room during dinner tonight. Notice how the conversation shifts.
Leave one hour unscheduled this weekend and see what kind of play unfolds.
Tomorrow morning, ask your child one open-ended question and then really listen to the answer.
A New Way of Seeing Parenting
What if “good parenting” meant less about perfect routines and more about being the safe harbor your child can always return to? What if our greatest gift is emotional availability, not achievement?
As Maté might say, “Children don’t need to be fixed—they need to be seen.” And as Neufeld would add: “Growt-real growt-comes from a secure connection.”
So start small: carve out a screen-free dinner, a daily walking pause, a moment of truly listening. Over time, those small acts connect hearts, restore balance, and gently rewrite the rhythm of family life.
If you’re feeling stretched thin or unsure how to put these ideas into practice, you’re not alone. This is exactly why I coach parents: to help you find balance, clarity, and confidence. If you’d like support on your journey, you can book a complimentary discovery call to see if coaching is a good fit for your family: Complimentary Discovery Call-Katie Mae Vasicek
Want to learn more? Join my Parenting in Today’s World workshop on September 11th at noon via Zoom, where you’ll connect with other parents, evaluate your current routines, brainstorm strategies, and investigate ways to slow down family life. Together, we’ll create goals to improve connection, nurture resilience, and bring more joy and balance into your home.